Ok, yeah, so, like, I , like, totally quit my job, eh?

As of last week, I am blissfully unemployed. I haven't posted at all about work, not because I'm afraid of being dooced, but because there are some things I just leave out of this blog. OK, considering how often I post, there are a lot of things I leave out of this blog. Mostly because my interest in journaling, or whatever this is supposed to be for, waxes and wanes, as they say.



Anyway, now its over and I don't even have to bother thinking about it. Not that that means I'm sitting around the house all day eating bonbons and watching soaps.

You are SO WRONG.

That was just yesterday, and it wasn't bonbons but coffee and not soaps but obsessively exploring flickr. Gawd, I'm such a geek.



For the most part, though, I've been working my tushie off over here. I've been doing a lot of housework, some copywriting work for a local interior designer, designing business cards for my brother's new business, starting a whole new series of paintings and drawings, repainting my bedroom (which should be done today), working on major landscaping projects up at the cottage, taking lots of digital photos AND (as I mentioned) obsessively exploring flickr. phew! and it's only been 11 days!



Damn, I'm working harder now than I did when I was actually earning a paycheck. I think it's a revisit to the twisted form of guilt I felt a few years ago when I was unemployed for 2 years and spending money I didn't actually earn myself. Kirk has been awesome about it, and is excited for me to start school in September. I'm excited about it too, actually. Not because I need the degree to be an artist, but hopefully to gain more confidence, network like crazy, and mostly to accumulate as many new experiences as I can to expand my art practice beyond what I'm used to.




Anyway, until my next post here's a couple of new works in progress for your enjoyment:










This one is actually a year old, but I realized I never posted it!

Thanks to Raymi and Merkley??? for inspiring me to add more photos to my posts. Except with less boobies.

Thanks also to Squid for reminding me that I actually have a blog of my own!

most recently completed...

self-portrait in blue, originally uploaded by poopee shmoopee.

self-portrait in blue
oil on canvas
24x32

wedding photos are finally up!

123, originally uploaded by poopee shmoopee.

i'm working on my thank you cards right now, but i figure i'd let you all know that the photos are finally up on flickr.

yay for long weekends.

seeing as this weekend is victoria day weekend, tomorrow we leave for the cottage. last week kirk went up and had a phone hooked up. yay! maybe next year we'll get running water.

so many things are going on right now.

paintings.

work.

neighbours that deserve a good kicking in the box.

cramps.

oh my.

i can't even tell you how excited the words menstruation and outhouse and no-running-water are making me feel right now.

pebble beach

pebble beach, originally uploaded by poopee shmoopee.

just finished this painting yesterday. i really like how this turned out and plan to do a series of them.

stephen colbert has the biggest balls of them all

i know this is everywhere but i thought i would post it here for posterity. and my own personal enjoyment. it makes me want to pee myself that this is the same guy who wrote tek jansen. i'm not sure what they had expected him to say during the white house correspondents' association annual dinner. squealyfools.

STEPHEN COLBERT: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Before I begin, I've been asked to make an announcement. Whoever parked 14 black bulletproof SUVs out front, could you please move them? They are blocking in 14 other black bulletproof SUVs, and they need to get out.

Wow! Wow, what an honor! The White House Correspondents' dinner. To actually -- to sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush, to be this close to the man. I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what? I'm a pretty sound sleeper; that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face. Is he really not here tonight? Damn it! The one guy who could have helped.

By the way, before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.

Mark Smith, ladies and gentlemen of the press corps, Madame First Lady, Mr. President, my name is Stephen Colbert, and tonight it is my privilege to celebrate this president, ‘cause we're not so different, he and I. We both get it. Guys like us, we're not some brainiacs on the nerd patrol. We're not members of the factinista. We go straight from the gut. Right, sir?

That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. Now, I know some of you are going to say, "I did look it up, and that's not true." That's 'cause you looked it up in a book. Next time, look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works.

Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, okay? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the "No Fact Zone." FOX News, I hold a copyright on that term.

I'm a simple man with a simple mind. I hold a simple set of beliefs that I live by. Number one, I believe in America. I believe it exists. My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I strongly believe it has 50 states, and I cannot wait to see how the Washington Post spins that one tomorrow.

I believe in democracy. I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out of plastic for three cents a unit. As a matter of fact, Ambassador Zhou Wenzhong, welcome. Your great country makes our Happy Meals possible. I said it's a celebration.

I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.

I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible. I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical!

And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be you Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it's yogurt. But I refuse to believe it's not butter.

Most of all, I believe in this president. Now, I know there are some polls out there saying that this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias. So, Mr. President, please, please, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. 32% means the glass -- important to set up your jokes properly, sir. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. Okay.

Look, folks, my point is that I don't believe this is a low point in this presidency. I believe it is just a lull before a comeback. I mean, it's like the movie Rocky. Alright? The President, in this case, is Rocky Balboa, and Apollo Creed is everything else in the world. It's the tenth round. He's bloodied. His corner man, Mick, who in this case, I guess, would be the Vice President, he's yelling, "Cut me, Dick, cut me!" And every time he falls, everyone says, "Stay down, Rocky! Stay down!" But does he stay down? No. Like Rocky, he gets back up, and in the end he -- actually loses in the first movie. Okay, doesn't matter. Doesn’t matter.

The point is it is the heart-warming story of a man who was repeatedly punched in the face, so don't pay attention to the approval ratings that say that 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he's not doing? Think about it. I haven't.

I stand by this man. I stand by this man, because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things, things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound with the most powerfully staged photo-ops in the world.

Now, there may be an energy crisis. Well, this president has a very forward-thinking energy policy. Why do you think he's down on the ranch cutting that brush all the time? He's trying to create an alternative energy source. By 2008, we will have a mesquite-powered car.

And I just like the guy. He's a good Joe, obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half. And polls show America agrees. She's a true lady and a wonderful woman. But I just have one beef, ma'am. I'm sorry, but this reading initiative. I'm sorry, I've never been a fan of books. I don't trust them. They're all fact, no heart. I mean, they're elitist, telling us what is or isn't true or what did or didn't happen. Who's Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American! I'm with the President. Let history decide what did or did not happen.

The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man's beliefs never will.

And as excited as I am to be here with the President, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of FOX News. FOX News gives you both sides of every story: the President's side, and the Vice President's side.

But the rest of you, what are you thinking? Reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in Eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they're super-depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished.

Over the last five years you people were so good, over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.

But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works. The President makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration? You know, fiction!

Because, really, what incentive do these people have to answer your questions, after all? I mean, nothing satisfies you. Everybody asks for personnel changes. So, the White House has personnel changes. And then you write, "Oh, they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic." First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring! If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg!

Now, it's not all bad guys out there. There are some of the heroes out there tonight: Christopher Buckley, Jeff Sacks, Ken Burns, Bob Schieffer. I’ve interviewed all of them. By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be on my show. I appreciate it. I was just as shocked as everyone here is, I promise you. How's Tuesday for you? I've got Frank Rich, but we can just bump him. And I mean bump him. I know a guy. Say the word.

See who we've got here tonight. We’ve got General Moseley, Air Force Chief of Staff. We’ve got General Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. They still support Rumsfeld. Right, you guys aren't retired yet, right? Right, they still support Rumsfeld. Look, by the way, I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble: Don't let them retire! Come on, we've got a stop-loss program; let's use it on these guys. I've seen Zinni in that crowd on Wolf Blitzer. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you’re strong enough to stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle. Come on!

Jesse Jackson is here, the Reverend. Haven't heard from the Reverend in just a little while. I had him on the show. It was a very interesting interview, very challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but he's going to say what he wants at the pace that he wants. It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.

Justice Scalia is here. Justice Scalia, may I be the first to say, “Welcome, sir!” You look fantastic! How are you? Just talking some Sicilian with my paisan.

John McCain is here. John McCain, what a maverick! Somebody find out what fork he used on his salad, because I guarantee you it wasn't a salad fork. This guy could have used a spoon! There's no predicting him. By the way, Senator McCain, it's so wonderful to see you coming back into the Republican fold. I’ve actually got a summer house in South Carolina. Look me up when you go to speak at Bob Jones University. So glad you've seen the light, sir.

Mayor Nagin! Mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city! Yeah, give it up. Mayor Nagin, I'd like to welcome you to Washington, D.C., the chocolate city with a marshmallow center and a graham cracker crust of corruption. It's a Mallomar, I guess, is what I'm describing, is a Mallomar. It’s a seasonal cookie.

Joe Wilson is here. Joe Wilson, right down here in front, the most famous husband since Desi Arnaz. And, of course, he brought along his lovely wife Valerie Plame. Oh, my god! Oh, what have I said? Ay, gee monetti! I am sorry, Mr. President, I meant to say he brought along his lovely wife “Joe Wilson's wife.” Patrick Fitzgerald is not here tonight, right? Okay, dodged a bullet.

And, of course, we can't forget the man of the hour, new press secretary, Tony Snow. Secret Service name: "Snow Job." Toughest job. What a hero! Took the second toughest job in government, next to, of course, the ambassador to Iraq. Got some big shoes to fill, Tony. Big shoes to fill. Scott McClellan could say nothing like nobody else. McClellan, of course, eager to retire, really felt like he needed to spend more time with Andrew Card's children.

Now, Mr. President, I wish you hadn't made the decision so quickly, sir. I was vying for the job myself. I think I would have made a fabulous press secretary. I have nothing but contempt for these people.

taken from http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=06/05/03/145234

the trilliums are coming

the trilliums are coming, originally uploaded by poopee shmoopee.

we had easter dinner with my family. it's so nice out my parents had a barbecue. we had a long chat with my uncle who used to have a cottage on our lake. we talked about going up and i sort of wished i was there now.

in a few weeks the trilliums will be blooming.

tv turnoff week april 24 - 30, 2006

I am a tv addict. If it's on I will watch it. EVERY TIME. Our television is on in our home for more than 4 hours a day, and lots of times as "background" while we're doing other things (which Kirk loves but drives me crazy since I can't NOT watch. seriously. it's pretty sad). I don't even want to admit how much it's on during weekends or how often I've fallen asleep in front of it. I would be afraid to sit down and calculate how much of my lifetime has been spent in front of the TV.

That being said. Kirk and I have decided to try turning it off for a week straight as part of Adbuster's TV Turnoff Week campaign. We tried Buy Nothing Day and it was was WAY harder than it seems, but possible. The point for us is not some political statement about how TV or shopping is inherently bad or evil, but a simple exercise in challenging the way in which we often do these activities automatically, with little or no consideration.

my favourite quote from the pamela anderson roast on comedy central hosted by jimmy kimmel was from lisa lampanelli. 

"no one wants to see adam corolla's furry nutsack. it's like a squirrel trying to fight its way out of a crown royal bag."

currently listening to...

i'm home sick today. here's what's playing on my itunes.

Bongo Song - Annie
Balls Out - Bloodhound Gang
You Are a Runner and I am My Father's Son - Wolf Parade
The Glamorous Life - Paul Oakenfold
Primary - The Cure
I'm Down - Goldfinger
Wet Blanket - Metric
Go It Alone - Beck
Southern Girl - Rahzel
Gimme That - Sloan
Debaser - The Pixies
They Shoot Horses Don't They - Apostle of Hustle
Leave Me Alone - Butthole Surfers
I Am Not Surprised - The Organ
Prussia - Jake Fairley
Daft Punk Is Playing At My House - LCD Soundsystem
Huddle Formation - The Go! Team

god bless

Recently read in my inbox:

"Congratulations! Your portfolio presentation was strong and your application for admission to the Ontario College of Art & Design has been successful. On behalf of the University, I am delighted to extend the offer of admission to the first year, Bachelor of Fine Art program in the Faculty of Art."

HOLY CRAP.



Yesterday afternoon we got a frantic call from Kirk's mum.

Apparently there had been an explosion at a Tim Horton's on Yonge near Bloor.

She called just to see if we were OK.

I was all, "uuuuuh, no, I didn't hear any explosions this afternoon"

"Are you sure?"

"I'm pretty sure I'd remember it if I had." (we live 25 city blocks from there)

Lotsa people freaked out and thought maybe the terrorists had finally come to Canada.

Idiots. "They'd have to be stupid bombers if they were aiming for the subway and hit a Tim Hortons," said TTC chairman Howard Moscoe, living up to his reputation for plain speaking. "It sounds like a tall tale."

Current theory: some loser who probably wanted to kill himself, dowsed himself with gasoline and set himself on fire. only the autopsy and jerry can of gasoline he carried in with him, found nearby, will tell.

allo? allo?

for the last 2 weeks my life has been nothing but a series of days where i sleep, drink water, eat a little, blow my nose and cough. i have that deep chest, rattling cough that makes anyone within 10 feet of you cringe. anyway, i hope to eventually do something with this here corner of the blogopodcastwebnetsophere.

in the meantime, here are some paintings i finished recently:





this is a portrait i did last summer from one of my parents' wedding photos:

just finished reading...

Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson: while a little long (1100 pages) this is an enjoyable read. at least it was once I decided to skim all the geeky math shit and lack of interesting female characters. stephenson is the d&d/gamer/math geek's clive cussler...but funnier...and not as predictable.

what a jealous bitch

the moo gets so jealous when i pay too much attention to oscar. but how can you not???

newest piece

'buttercup', 16x20, oil on canvas

portfolio interview is done aaaaaaand done

i managed to get all my artwork strapped to a luggage carrier and had planned to walk it all the way to the school but figured it was safer to call a cab. I managed to drag the whole thing down the two flights of stairs to the door, praying that i would NOT sprain my fucking ankle again or some other completely ridiculous injury i generally sustain (seriously. i am a total klutz) when i'm nervous or not really focussed on what's in front of me - imagining the explanation i would need to give doctor as to why a whole canvas was lodged in my brain.

my cab pulled up just as i was hauling the awkward bulk out the door. i quickly realized i hadn't exactly considered canvas size versus mode of transportation size, but the cabbie jumped out, carefully placed it all in the trunk and assured me he would get me and my stuff there in one piece. sigh of relief. promise kept, he even helped me get it all to the front door. so either he was super nice, or he was pleased about the ridiculously huge tip. probably both.

i got all signed in a waited for about 10 minutes for someone to call my name. the waiting area was mostly filled with soon to be high school graduates and their parents who, besides faculty, were basically the only other people there over 30. when i finally made it to the interview room, i was told i had about 15 minutes to set up, which was fairly easy, except for the thought of having to manoeuvre the hulk on wheels i was dragging behind me through the rows of tables and chairs. so i chose a spot at the front of the room, also so i could use the whole corner wall space for leaning paintings, which worked incredibly well. then i had nothing to do but sit and wait to be interviewed by 2 faculty.

the first interviewer was nice enough, and seemed interested in me and my work. she told me that she LOVES mature students and hoped i would get in. the second interviewer didn't give me anything to go on at all. he took his job as seriously as only a middle aged i've-seen-it-all-so-you-don't-impress-me-bitch gay man can. i packed everything up again and wheeled it into the english placement test room, where i had to read and write a response to an article written by a current student.

then it was just over. sort of anticlimactic really (kind of like this post). anyway, now i have to wait until the end of may to find out if i get in.

karl pilkington

is a funny, funny man.

the ricky gervais podcast series is almost done. download while you still can.

oh and the interview went well. post coming soon.

how winning an award can make you feel like shit

when i was 16, i won the 10th grade visual art achievement award. that year was one of the most exciting i had ever had. my crazy egyptian high school art teacher took a group of students to paris, france for a week. that and i had started dating my first boyfriend. anyway, it took about a whole month of wheedling and emotional manipulation for my mother and i to finally convince my father to let me go. we visited the louvre, the georges pompidou centre, the musee d'orsay, montmartre and all the usual tourist-y spots.

we also took a day long drive to brittany see mont st.michel which was a total nightmare. first of all it's about a 6.5 hour drive from paris to mont st michel. then about 10 minutes after we piled out of the van, i got my period and the WORST cramps in history. I spent the whole 2 hour visit there alternately sleeping in the van and puking my guts out into the atlantic ocean while my friends were visiting one of the most beautiful monastaries in france. then we drove back. THE SAME DAY.

ok. back to the award story. at the end of that school year, my teacher decided to grant me the visual arts academic achievement plaque at the awards ceremony, even though a good friend of mine had better grades. when he called my name, i was shocked. i was SO SURE she was going to win it. in fact i had wanted her to win it. she was so talented, focussed, competitive and dedicated. i was just having fun learning. she was livid, gave me the EVIL eye and a couple of her friends hissed and booed me as i walked up to the podium to accept the plaque.

i didn't know what to do. i felt so humiliated and happy at the same time. i mean, it was great to be recognized, but i wasn't willing to lose a friend over it. afterwards, i went to talk to the teacher, pleaded with him to give it to her. that SHE deserved it. he told me that it was HIS decision and he stood by it. i was crushed. she and i eventually made up but our friendship was never the same.

when i chose my courses for the following year, i decided i didn't want to deal with that shit and never took art again. the experience left me totally freaked out and creatively blocked. i tried to draw and paint on my own, but ended up hating everything i did as it just reminded me of the humiliation i felt. so i just stopped. i decided it was better to just appreciate it rather than make it. which is what i did until about 5 years ago when my mom gave me gift certificate to take art classes with katrina (i'm re-doing her website over the next few weeks so please don't hold it against her) which changed my life.

any now it looks about to change again. tomorrow is my interview at ocad and i'm super nervous. AND excited. if anyone is reading this, send me your positive vibes and high fives.

***

p.s. HOLY SHEEEEEIT! I think I'm gonna poop myself in jubilation.

OH.MY.GAWD.

HELLO!

ask a ninja

ok. this is officially the funniest podcast EVER.....ok, well maybe so far....

I passed 8th grade science!

You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 7/8 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Science?

phew! thanks squid. i was worried there for a minute. you know, with me planning to back to school and all.

i have a new toy

12 inches of pure portable love.

in other new and exciting news, i also have a portfolio interview at ocad on valentine's day. if i get in, i'll be going to school full time in september. i went to the portfolio clinic a couple of weeks ago and got the low down on what to get ready, so i'm working on it. as part of the clinic we got to choose a 4-hour workshop to get an idea of what classes and instructors are like. i chose the encaustic workshop and SO dug the painting with wax. i definitely plan to do it again sometime.

here is the result.


besides the wax, i also used plastic and metal beads and gold leaf. nicole collins was the instructor and is a fantastic artist. you can see some of her work here.

i want one of these for my birthday.

blech

as i've mentioned before, over the last few months kirk and i have been using public transit to get around instead of driving. with the city's problems with traffic and air pollution, it seemed like the logical thing to do.

It takes us each about 35 minutes door to door, driving took about 20. My brother recently moved out and my parents have a free spot in their garage, so we parked betty for the winter. we'll pull her out of storage when we start going back up to the cottage in the spring. -21oC (about -6oF) with the windchill winters are hard on the 18-year old volvo 240DL station wagon. the car is named betty after the betty page air freshener we bought when we got the car, which was subsequently stolen by some neighbourhood crackheads who went through the car the ONE time i forget to lock the doors. GAH! Damn you crackHEADS!!!

what this means is that i also walk more, which is a good thing since i bailed on the regular exercise thing about 4 months before my wedding, which i've neglected to post about but just needed to take a bit of a wedding hiatus. since the wedding i've been battling my inner-self-pitying procrastinatrix. i've started working out twice a week at a gym and it is KICKING MY ASS people.that and i kinda...sorta...well...ok I FUCKING SPRAINED MY ANKLE AGAIN OK. STOP ASKING ME WHAT'S WRONG ALREADY.

ahem.


oh yes, i am definitely a pleasure to be around right now.

podcasts that ROCK

cbc radio 3: the best coverage of new canadian music EVER.

distorted view: finally, another freak who thinks vomit porn and poop are funny. today's podcast covers news stories: umbrellas in your ass, toothy prostitutes, fuck that cancer away.

channel frederator: sweet cartoon shorts. if you or anyone you know makes animated movies, submit them NOW!!!

ongoing history of new music: the ONLY good thing left about what used to the the best radio in toronto.

happy tree friends: cute AND violent!

tiki bar tv: video podcast of cocktail recipes with kooky story lines and pretty ladies.

any other suggestions?

dj poopee shmoopee's top 50 iTunes downloads of 2005

dear internet,

i'm still here. just busy.

in case you were wondering what the hell i've been doing, here's the short version of what's been going on.

i'm taking an online correspondance course in project management. working on getting all my wedding loose ends tied up. and then there's a nasty sinus infection thing going around that i'm trying to avoid, which is becoming increasingly difficult since we decided to park our car for the rest of the winter. i mean, public transit, while convenient, breeds that kind of viral shit. for christmas my brother got me a membership to the gym he works at, so this week i've started going. since i stopped working out last June i've gained 10 pounds, 2 dress sizes, and a whole lotta clothes that don't fit me so well anymore. must. stop. ass. spreadage. NOW. oh and i'm totally breaking out from the cold, dry weather. and my dust allergies are causing major inflammation in my nasal passage which makes me feel like i have a big gaping whole in the middle of my face, which makes working in a lumber yard just that much MORE fun. did i mention that i've also applied to art school to start full time in september?

yes, that was the short version. trust me, you don't want the long version. my loving and patient husbie can attest to that.

anyway, until my next post, for your listening pleasure, i have posted my very first iMix on the iTunes Music Store titled: the shmoopdeck's top 50 downloads of 2005. enjoy.

don't have iTunes? next time i'll post the playlist, tonight i'm just too damned tired.

hugs,

poops.

happy hoho

mustaches for kids update : $3633.18 raised.
ok so here is kirk's week 5 'stache.


thanks to everyone for their kind words. my aunt was a fantastic lady and a gifted artist. i'm really going to miss her.

like many, i've been sucked into the christmas vortex and am busy as all hell (which is kinda weird because i'm pretty sure i'm not a christian anymore). i think we're having dinner with friends and/or family every day for the next 9 days and won't have much time for you, dear internet.

that being said, i sincerely wish you some relaxing, guilt-free holidays.

stressed-out guilt is for LOSERS.

p.s. vote for chris christmas rodriguez.

Last night my Aunt Debby died

She died of complications following a year long battle with some weird fucked up form of brain cancer. Originally, I wrote this big long post about how the medical community doesn't know shit about assisting dying people to die with dignity. But when I re-read it it was mostly incoherent, so I'll post again later.

1 week to go!

Mustaches for Kids Toronto has raised almost $2200 so far and 1 week left before the big mustache ball. Kirk went to get his Week 5 photo taken tonight, but here's the Week 4.


This is my most recent painting. It's from a photo given to me by my friend Howard. It's is his village in Newfoundland.


On the way home last night from a massage (oh god, EVERYONE should have one) I passed this house. I was momentarily blinded by its radiance and had to go back and take a picture.


This is what my neighbourhood looked like this morning.

Since I woke up late, it was a bit of an inconvenience. That's because everyone in Toronto is retarded the first time the snow flies. For examples, read THIS and THIS. What makes driving in Toronto even more terrifying than a measely 10 cm (4in) snowfall? THIS.

I currently am sifting through 600 photos to sort out an online photo gallery of the wedding and another 300 for the honeymoon. It's taking longer than I had expected it would. It's coming soon, I promise.

just a little taste

...update...

kirk's week 3 snapshot:

mustaches for kids!

We're not back for a whole week and Kirk is already busy growing a mustache for the Make a Wish Foundation here in Toronto.

See his progress and pledge a donation at http://www.m4ktoronto.org.



Wedding & honeymoon photos coming soon!

here we are

thanks for the well wishes!!! just stopping in to a cybercafe just outside of scarborough, tobago. man is it HOT here. so far we are having a great time. our wedding was so much fun, i'll have to tell you all about it when we get back to toronto. suffice it to say many, many shots of sambuca and limoncello were involved as well as way more food than most people could possible consume in one evening.

bridezilla revisited

well. tonight is my last night as an unmarried harlot living in sin with her "get-the-milk-for-free" bohunk.

tonight we had our rehearsal dinner at my parents place and we had a great time. afterwards i checked out this AWESOME halloween party as bridezilla and was about to climb into bed when i realized, HOLY SHIT, I'm not going to even SEE a computer for the next 12 days.

on sunday, we fly out to trinidad and tobago, where i hope to enjoy tropical storm/hurricane-free weather, and lots and lots of sleeping.

and sexing.

awwwwwww yeahhhhh

peace out.

10 days and counting

There is so much going on right now. Wow. Ok, so I'm getting married in 10 days. A Halloween wedding. I'm super excited.

With my past event management experience, I've pretty much managed not go all bridezilla on everyone. Mostly.

We've sorted out the venue, the marriage licence, met with the officiant, wrote the ceremony, bought the cake, booked the flowers, made the guests' takeaway gift, picked up dress, suit, booked the honeymoon(sigh. honeymoon. i want to be there. right. now.). What's left?

1. Decoration of the ceremony and reception area. We're going with a harvest kinda theme. The halloween part? Everyone's going to get halloween candy, and a Nightmare before Christmas/Corpse Bride-inspired cake and the whole bridal party will be dressed in black on black except me in ivory and silver.

2. Practice dancing. As I mentioned before, Kirk doesn't really enjoy the whole dancing thing. Hence the practicing. Which is great because we're finally starting to really move together. I have to admit I was a little worried that we'd end up looking like we were in the 6th grade at our first boy/girl dance.

3. Program a soundtrack for the evening. We need to cover the ceremony, reception and our first dance. Here are some of the tracks we're thinking about including:

Ice Cream - Sarah McLachlan
Anniversary Song - Cowboy Junkies
Wedding Song - Bob Dylan
We Are Going To Be Friends - The White Stripes
Mushaboom - Feist

Any other music suggestions?

It's a good thing we've got most of it done early. I am so busy at work right now it's not even funny. Oh, and I fell on the stairs again and smashed my other leg. I was carrying a lot of shit up the stairs and the toe of my boot caught a step and well, let's just say it's a good thing I'm wearing a long dress.

Vice Magazine is the SHIT.

Vice Magazine - Kill Your Parents issue


I think there's a lot of really great writing and pointed arguments about the the baby boomer generation in this issue. That being said, I still love my parents and don't really want to kill them.

My parents are of that generation and while I would do everything in my power to make sure they are loved and cared for as they age, just as they did for me as a child, I've made it pretty clear to them, that it's THEIR responsibility to prepare for their future financially.My brother and I will never be able to afford to support them with the lifestyle to which they've become accustomed. Hell, we can't even truly afford to support ourselves with the lifestyle we were accustomed to at home with them.

A few years ago, Kirk and I decided that RRSP's and the concept of retirement is BULLSHIT.

Why the hell, should I give a significant percentage of my earnings to some other person who's going to do something better with it than PAYING OFF OUR MORTGAGE. Because lets just face it, the ONLY way to own a home these days is to carry a mortgage. If I have a third of my earnings goes to taxes, another third to my mortgage, then most of that third is spent on school loans, car lease, insurance, property taxes and credit cards oh and eating and let's not forget entertainment. WHY THE FUCK would I take what little I have I have left and save it for my "retirement". I'm 31 years old! Who the hell knows what the world will be like in another 30 years. I need to see that I've worked for something tangible. Something real. NOW.That's why Kirk and I decided to bust our asses to own land. Seriously, real estate is the only way to go.

i'm such a geek

Today I read THIS. Oh and on Sunday I'm going to see THIS and I CAN'T WAIT. I even bought the official movie magazine and everything.

how boyish or girlish am i?

You Are 40% Boyish and 60% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Thanks to :phil: for helping me clear that one up.

kick it old school

One of my new favourite albums is Fischerspooner's Odyssey. I recently downloaded a bunch of tracks off of iTunes and I'm dancing my ass off over here. I've been checking out their dance/electronic section and I realize that I miss DANCING.

When I was in grade school I took ballet. In high school I loved going to dances. Not for the boys, but for the ass kicking jams of the late 80's.

From the ages of 17 to 23 I spent more time at raves and dance clubs than I did at home (Yes. like all good Italian girls I lived at home.) But hell, man, I used to KICK IT! Yeaaaah.

Like all good Italian girls, I was also in school full time and had a part-time job working 24 hours a week. But I was not very good at being good. I danced a lot, drank a lot, smoked A LOT of cigarettes and sometimes do some drugs 3 to 4 nights a week. After a few years I started to mostly just feel like shit a lot.

Then I moved out, did more of the previously mentioned stuff, then mostly just slept a lot.

Then I met Kirk. He was my perfect partner in crime. Then we quit the hard rocking life together. Perfect. Except for the part where he HATES DANCING. I haven't gone out dancing in oh, like 2 years. That's so pathetic.

What's even more pathetic is that my wedding is in 5 weeks and the part I'm most looking forward to, besides the honeymoon in Tobago, is the dancing.


Other recent iTunes downloads that I listen to A LOT:

Rasputina - Barracuda
Gorillaz - Dirty Harry
Apostle of Hustle - Baby, You're in Luck
Ashley McIsaac - Bitch
Princess Superstar - Quitting Smoking Song
Bing Ji Ling - Where is Your Love?
Telepopmusik - Don't Look Back
Soul Hooligan - Algebra
Brazilian Girls - Don't Stop
Billy Talent - Line and Sinker
Death From Above 1979 - Little Girl (Live)
The Mars Volta - L'Via L'Viaquez
Mos Def - Sex, Love, Money

And for Squid.

THIS is a TIM HORTONS

Note the super long drive-thru lineup.

Photographic evidence of how bridal showers are actually meant to humiliate you.

You know, to actually earn all the ridiculously generous gifts from the loving and supportive family and friends in attendance.

i'm home today with a blinding headache but just took a moment to read the paper online. I am so totally moved by the total devastation in the Gulf States in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, as well as by the resiliency of it's citizens. I'm sitting here sobbing, partially because of the headache but mostly from overwhelming empathy.

mmmmmm.... onion rings and spring rolls and wedge fries ...ggauauuuuugggghhhhhh..**drool**

Right now all I really want to do is hate on the day I've had, but since it involved my work situation, I'm going to have to go ahead and not share any of that with you.

What I can say though, is that over the last 2 days I have ingested more fried food than a person should, really. While it was incredibly delicious, I am now paying for it.




Oh man, I'm so totally PMSsing right now, ya'll.




Poor Kirk.

Happy Birthday Kirk!

Last weekend was Kirk's 31st birthday. We had both managed to get Friday off. That meant 2 whole days up north! Excellent. The usual 2-hour drive that we had planned meant we'd be at the cottage in time for a swim and a margarita. With Melissa and Melissa coming up on Saturday, it promised to be a fabulous weekend.

All was going according to The Plan From Which No One Must Deviate. Except for the whole part where 20 minutes en route and the sky opened up and pooped on the entire Greater Toronto Area.

Thankfully I had decided that the drive home rush (which starts at 3 pm on Friday afternoons) was too much of a pain in the ass to stay on the Don Valley Parkway. I figured we'd just snake our way north and east, so we got off at Don Mills.

Almost as soon as I was relieved that we were way better off than those chumps on the DVP, I was driving blind. All I could see through the rain were the flashing hazard lights of other vehicles, which were the only things keeping me from veering off the road.

Lightning. Thunder. Oscar on the floor of Betty, our Volvo 240 DL station wagon.

I gunned the engine through a river of water for about 3km (which is mostly uphill). It came up to the top of the tires, forming a wake behind the car that splashed into the front windows. They were open so that the whole car wouldn't fog up and we'd really be fucked. Because of some lame-ass power outage, most of the lights at intersections were not operational, meaning they had to be treated like a 4-way stop.
(A major rule of the road, which many TOTAL ASSHOLES, more eager to get home than to care about the other people on the road, didn't bother to observe.) This took half an hour.

We pull over at a safe spot for a few minutes after about 45 minutes of the most intense driving I've done in ages. Some church parking lot. I needed to stop. I had to relax for a few minutes so I didn't kill us all by totally freaking out.

We turn on AM 640 and listen to the updates. Tornado and funnel cloud reports in the east end. Massive flooding in the north and centre of the city. OK then. After about 5 minutes, we realize that the parking lot has only one exit and the water at the foot of the driveway is rising, with the sewers incapable of holding the deluge. I wait for a gap in traffic and slam my foot on the gas and gave'er.

We made it through, but not unscathed. By the time we were far enough north to be out of the major weather pattern, an hour later, we were stuck in the drive home rush hour in suburban industrial wasteland. Anyone who has spent ANY time behind a vehicle in the GTA knows that traffic here is astronomically FUCKED UP. I had to ride the clutch the whole way, 'cause every time I stopped the car (and Toronto rush hour traffic means lots and lots of stopping), she would stall.

Once we got past the suburbs and made it to the country, it was smooth sailing. Five hours after we left home, we made it.

As soon as we dragged our provisions down to the cabin, Kirk and I slammed back a shot of Cuervo Gold and declared the Birthday Weekend ON! It was too cold out for margaritas so we settled for the Tequila.

Anyway, here are some photos that I took over the weekend.


This is Kirk. He turned 31 on August 21, 2005. He was such a good little cowboy, he got 2 r/c toys this year!


This is the birthday card Kirk received from The Melissas.

oscar a.k.a. senior puppypants a.k.a monkey boy a.k.a. swimming machine


Here is Oscar hanging out in the infamous outhouse a.k.a. die auspumpenhutte. This is where he hides during thunderstorms, far off gun shots and fireworks.


This is me in my favourite Black Death Malt Liquor t-shirt.

Anyway. we didn't get any pictures of the storm because well, we weren't really thinking of it at the time, and the camera was packed in the trunk. meh. The rest of the weekend was exactly what we needed. relaxing. And now we're back to the same old grind. Working, sleeping, eating, cleaning and wedding planning. Yes, we're still getting married in October. More about that some other time. Maybe.



Here is a movie that I most definitely need to find a way to see

Most informative and well-written Sunshine Girl bio EVAR.

i can't believe i've never been to this website before.

Bruce Campbell seems like a huge lovable prick. How can you NOT love him???

open letter

Dear dude on my street with his right hand up his bum,

Don't do it......don't smell your.........gaaaaaaaahahhhhh...he fucking did it.

Horrible AND hilarious!

I just found my copy of The Big Book of Bodily Functions. I highly recommend it.

Some new favourite expressions:
yen-shee baby
mexican lipstick
a cunt and a clap
full as a seaside shithouse on Boxing Day
to have a mouth like a nun's minge

Old standards:
turd-cutter
fudge baby
queef
dick splash
shit a brick
cock cheese
pork sword
bearded taco

Kind of weirded out by and don't really understand :
shake hands with the baby
smell the badger's touch-hole

someone think of a caption for this...please...

Courtesy of The Smoking Gun's mug shots page.

Until I get photographic evidence of our outhouse's size to appease the Squid, here's a picture I took last weekend.
See the rest here.

cottage update

The pictures on the right show what I managed to accomplish this weekend within the first 10 minutes of being awake on Saturday morning. I had stayed in bed as long as possible and was therefore forced to RUN like the wind to get to the outhouse. Which is uphill from the cabin (everything is uphill from the cabin).

After the third step up the hill, I tripped and smashed my right shin into the next step up, then fell over onto the same step on my right side. My very poorly thought out plan was thwarted by my stupid fucking sports sandals. The toe caught one of the steps which is made of two 2 by 6's holding back a crapload of dirt. The step I hit was also made up of a couple 2 by 6's which was left dented. My shin was also stayed dented for about a half hour. I didn't get any photographic evidence of either dent due to the SEARING pain that was shooting up my leg as well as needing whatever focus I had left so as not to lost total bladder control. But you can see the steps in the 3rd photo there. Fucking stairs.

Anyway, I made it to the outhouse and spent an enjoyable weekend of swimming, eating, drinking and reading. Today it feels like someone tried to break my legs. The right shin is still a bit swollen and still hasn't bruised yet. I may have to go see a doctor. Fucking outhouses.

Here's what Kirk managed to accomplish on the sleeping cabin up from the main one. He go the windows at the Habitat for Humanity ReStore. He's definitely a keeper.

i may not be god, but at least i'm real

my new fave

7th Rim of Hell

Internet, I banish thee to the 7th Rim of Hell!!!!!!!!

buahahahaaahahahhaha...

hahhhahhahehaha...

hehe...

he...

h...

ack..

ahem

better late than never

OH. MY. GAWD. The 40-Year Old Virgin.

Two things you NEVER want to see

A friend of mine is a nurse in a palliative care facility. Yesterday her assistant was called to one of their resident's rooms for help. An elderly gentleman (I use this term loosely) wanted to shower and needed her help. When she arrived he was naked and sittin gin a chair. He was holding a bottle of shampoo and asked her to pour the shampoo for him...ON HIS CROTCH. Being the consummate professional that she is, she didn't really think anything of it, poured the shampoo and left. A few minutes later the same person calls for her again and as she opens the bathroom door he BLOWS his load all over himself and tells her that they make a great team. The poor woman worked the rest of her shift like a trooper since she had the next day off. I don't know how she managed. I felt sick just hearing about it.

Then this morning, I was stopped at a red light on my way to work and glanced in the rearview mirror. Only to be presented with the lovely image of some dude in the car behind me who was totally wanking it. I thought...no way...that's not...he wouldn't... Then as I drove away I checked the rearview again (HEY, it's a rearview and I was driving) and I noticed he was bouncing up and down and he kept throwing his head back and was driving with his left hand only.

I was so grossed out I totally had to tell EVERYONE at work about it. And now I'm telling the INTERNET.

Just sharing the love y'all.

p.s.

Currently obsessed with Season 1 of

Most favourite recent episode from disc 2: Tobias is outed as a nevernude. David Cross ROCKS.

andrew and christian

These are my cousin marie's twin boys. I'm just trying out blogger's new photo tool.

Please enjoy these whilst I continue the gravy making.

I'm making my own gravy!

Currently the thermometer is hovering around 32 degrees (that's 89 degrees american).

INSIDE MY APARTMENT.

Including the humidex: feels about 40 (or 104) degrees.

yikes!

I've been blessed with heat rashes, intense sweats and even more intense desires to bludgeon all who invade my personal space.

I wish I could live at my cottage all summer long. I NEED that lake. NOW.

...sigh...poor Kirk...

Hulk's Diary That Is On The Internet

As far as weblogs go...pretty fucking hilarious.

The Darth Side comes in as a close second. (thanks Dave!)