Happy Birthday Kirk!

Last weekend was Kirk's 31st birthday. We had both managed to get Friday off. That meant 2 whole days up north! Excellent. The usual 2-hour drive that we had planned meant we'd be at the cottage in time for a swim and a margarita. With Melissa and Melissa coming up on Saturday, it promised to be a fabulous weekend.

All was going according to The Plan From Which No One Must Deviate. Except for the whole part where 20 minutes en route and the sky opened up and pooped on the entire Greater Toronto Area.

Thankfully I had decided that the drive home rush (which starts at 3 pm on Friday afternoons) was too much of a pain in the ass to stay on the Don Valley Parkway. I figured we'd just snake our way north and east, so we got off at Don Mills.

Almost as soon as I was relieved that we were way better off than those chumps on the DVP, I was driving blind. All I could see through the rain were the flashing hazard lights of other vehicles, which were the only things keeping me from veering off the road.

Lightning. Thunder. Oscar on the floor of Betty, our Volvo 240 DL station wagon.

I gunned the engine through a river of water for about 3km (which is mostly uphill). It came up to the top of the tires, forming a wake behind the car that splashed into the front windows. They were open so that the whole car wouldn't fog up and we'd really be fucked. Because of some lame-ass power outage, most of the lights at intersections were not operational, meaning they had to be treated like a 4-way stop.
(A major rule of the road, which many TOTAL ASSHOLES, more eager to get home than to care about the other people on the road, didn't bother to observe.) This took half an hour.

We pull over at a safe spot for a few minutes after about 45 minutes of the most intense driving I've done in ages. Some church parking lot. I needed to stop. I had to relax for a few minutes so I didn't kill us all by totally freaking out.

We turn on AM 640 and listen to the updates. Tornado and funnel cloud reports in the east end. Massive flooding in the north and centre of the city. OK then. After about 5 minutes, we realize that the parking lot has only one exit and the water at the foot of the driveway is rising, with the sewers incapable of holding the deluge. I wait for a gap in traffic and slam my foot on the gas and gave'er.

We made it through, but not unscathed. By the time we were far enough north to be out of the major weather pattern, an hour later, we were stuck in the drive home rush hour in suburban industrial wasteland. Anyone who has spent ANY time behind a vehicle in the GTA knows that traffic here is astronomically FUCKED UP. I had to ride the clutch the whole way, 'cause every time I stopped the car (and Toronto rush hour traffic means lots and lots of stopping), she would stall.

Once we got past the suburbs and made it to the country, it was smooth sailing. Five hours after we left home, we made it.

As soon as we dragged our provisions down to the cabin, Kirk and I slammed back a shot of Cuervo Gold and declared the Birthday Weekend ON! It was too cold out for margaritas so we settled for the Tequila.

Anyway, here are some photos that I took over the weekend.

birthday boy and his toys
This is Kirk. He turned 31 on August 21, 2005. He was such a good little cowboy, he got 2 r/c toys this year!

Bernard and his Bitches
This is the birthday card Kirk received from The Melissas.

oscar a.k.a. senior puppypants a.k.a monkey boy a.k.a. swimming machineoscar a.k.a. senior puppypants a.k.a monkey boy a.k.a. swimming machine

the infamous outhouse! a.k.a. die auspumpenhutte
Here is Oscar hanging out in the infamous outhouse a.k.a. die auspumpenhutte. This is where he hides during thunderstorms, far off gun shots and fireworks.

ridin' in Betty
This is me in my favourite Black Death Malt Liquor t-shirt.

Anyway. we didn't get any pictures of the storm because well, we weren't really thinking of it at the time, and the camera was packed in the trunk. meh. The rest of the weekend was exactly what we needed. relaxing. And now we're back to the same old grind. Working, sleeping, eating, cleaning and wedding planning. Yes, we're still getting married in October. More about that some other time. Maybe.

Here is a movie that I most definitely need to find a way to see

Most informative and well-written Sunshine Girl bio EVAR.


Satan said...

I don't quite know how to break this to you shmoopee, I think I'm in love with STACI the sunshine girl. Wow, and she's going to be rich!

Matching T's, ha ha ha ohhhh damn, he got RC toys for his Birthday. Now I'm jealous of the lucky little fella, I wonder if Staci will let me cry on her shoulder if I promise I wont get any tears on her shoes...

Squid Vicious said...

After seeing the outhouse, I can only assume 2 things:
1) You are really, really small OR:
2) The outhouse is really, really large.

I still don't see how you could spend an entire weekend in the thing swimming...

Dave said...

Excellent pics shmoops....! Love the shirt... but show us what it says! *chuckling*

poopee shmoopee said...


I think she's perfect for you. She IS planning to become a lawyer.

poopee shmoopee said...


it's kinda like the tartis. you have to close the door to get the full impact.

Dom said...

The way you described Kirks head to me in the office I thought the hat wouldn't even look that big.

Squid Vicious said...

Well, I now know more about your poopee than I really ever wanted to know...
I really doubt the first part of your post. As an American, I happen to know that it never rains in Canada, that's why my ginger ale and club soda is Canada DRY...
Further proof is NO pictures.

poopee shmoopee said...

hehehehh....bernard and his bitches..hehhh.....man I so love those Melissa shmoopies!

poopee shmoopee said...

shoes are nice.