santa is my bitch

Venture brothers is the best cartoon ever. not everyone gets it, but the more absurd, the better, I say.


Last night we went out for dinner with my parents and my in laws. The food was fantastic. so was the booze. We walked Kirk's parents to their hotel, and then walked home from there.


We were all giddy from actually having a decent time with our parents, and totally started making out as soon as we walked through the door. At some point I felt a little gassy and thought I'd let a little go. Well. It ended up being the most hilariously foul silent but deadly fart ever beefed. A real clinger.


I was horribly embarrassed, but couldn't stop laughing about it. Definitely a mood killer.


Lucky for me, he eventually got over it.


Tonight, Angela joined us for lesbian Christmas Eve potluck with the Melissas (yes, my best friend Melissa dates someone with the same name). They are the raddest bitches. I planned on taking pictures but got ripped pretty much right away and totally forgot.


I drank red wine, limoncello and eggnog spiked with Cuban white rum. I ate a lot too. Eggplant parmigiana, venison meatballs and red cabbage salad with honey mustard dressing. Then I ate a shitload of chocolate and pot butter cookies and we walked Angela to the subway.


Tomorrow will be another whole day of eating with my family. It's a non-stop Italian gorgefest from about 2pm until 6pm. We're going over to my parents a little early, so I can have a run on their treadmill before I get started. I've been slacking off in that department since school ended and I am starting to feel it. Sore neck and lower back, oh and I've started grinding my teeth at night again. Time to wrap that shit up, yo.

'tis the season

My bitch

Venture brothers is the best cartoon ever. not everyone gets it, but the more absurd, the better, I say.

Last night we went out for dinner with my parents and my in laws. The food was fantastic. so was the booze. We walked Kirk's parents to their hotel, and then walked home from there.

We were all giddy from actually having a decent time with our parents, and totally started making out as soon as we walked through the door. At some point I felt a little gassy and thought I'd let a little go. Well. It ended up being the most hilariously foul silent but deadly fart ever beefed. A real clinger.

I was horribly embarrassed, but couldn't stop laughing about it. Definitely a mood killer.

Lucky for me, he eventually got over it.

Tonight, Angela joined us for lesbian Christmas Eve potluck with the Melissas (yes, my best friend Melissa dates someone with the same name). They are the raddest bitches. I planned on taking pictures but got ripped pretty much right away and totally forgot. I drank red wine, limoncello and eggnog spiked with Cuban white rum. I ate a lot too. Eggplant parmigiana, venison meatballs and red cabbage salad with honey mustard dressing. Then I ate a shitload of chocolate and pot butter cookies and we walked Angela to the subway.

Tomorrow will be another whole day of eating with my family. It's a non-stop Italian gorgefest from about 2pm until 6pm. We're going over to my parents a little early, so I can have a run on their treadmill before I get started. I've been slacking off in that department since school ended and I am starting to feel it. Sore neck and lower back, oh and I've started grinding my teeth at night again. Time to wrap that shit up, yo.

happy ho ho

I finally finished my christmas shopping today. We tried so hard to do the Buy Nothing Christmas but it is SO HARD not to get something for the people in my life that I love. So Kirk and I decided to limit it to our immediate families. I did make something for a few of our friends, which I'll tell you about later, so I don't spoil any surprises. We decided against mailing out cards this year, and instead have started calling people and trying to hang out instead. Sometimes that's better than getting something you can't use, or being stuck in the malls for more than 30 seconds. I fucking hate malls and this time of year I double hate them. People are rude and blind and stupid.

This year is way better than past years though. The in-laws are coming to Toronto tomorrow, so we'll be spending the day with them. Just ONE DAY. They will be heading out on Sunday morning to Kingston to visit Kirk's sister, her husband, and their super-ultra cute baby son, Kirk. Then we're spending Christmas day with my family and that's it! WOOHOO!

OK. I gotta go finish cleaning house, wrapping presents and decorate our tree. If I don't post again before Monday, peace and love to all, whether you celebrate or not.

now with blogrolling goodness!

I've now added a blogroll. Just scroll down to the bottom to see it. If you want your blog listed, just tell me so in a comment, and I'll add you.

'who's retarded now, hunh?! who's retarded now?'

My next favouritest line from Talladega Nights: "When I wake up in the morning, I piss excellence."

I, on the otherhand do not. I am retarded.........ly hungover from a great party last night. And I think I may have to go back to bed. Right now.

tgif motherfuckers!

I don't really have much to post about, except for the fact that I'm bleeding like a stuck pig, have cramps from hell, took some advil and am now drinking red wine. So's I'm flying like a reckless, bloody, uterus-shaped kite ya'll!

Also, I came in 5th place in poker last night. Awwww yeah. I gamble too, bitches!

Sorry, I sometimes I get a little mouthy. I'm definitely going to hell.

Call For Submissions - Help Create The Shapetionary!

What is the Shapetionary? It is a visual index of objects.

It started from looking at the dictionary and wondering why some words are illustrated and others aren’t, then thinking it would be interesting to illustrate the whole dictionary, or all the object nouns...then organize them by shape.

So Margaret Flood extracted all, or most (aprox 9500), of the object nouns, and is now setting out to get them illustrated by as many different people as possible.

She is interested in our subjective and collective understandings of objects. So far over 400 people are participating, and she estimates that between 1200-1500 drawers are needed.

If you are interested in illustrating some words, email Margaret Flood at velvetbicycle@hotmail.com and she will send you a list of 6-8 words, along with complete instructions. All contributors will be acknowledged in the final project.

I'm doin' it and if you like to doodle or draw, so should you!

Anyways, a big shout out to Instant Coffee for turning me on to this project!

Dudley the Fearless

Dudley the Fearless, originally uploaded by micgormit.

micgormit is one of my favourite toronto-based flickr photographers, and dudley is the cutest puppy ever!


oh, i mean, besides oscar of course...

vote for raymi!

I visit Raymi's website pretty much every time I'm online and I have more than 5 minutes to catch up on what the hell is going on. I kinda can't help it. The same thing happens when a television and I are in the same room and America's Next Top Model is on. She is arrogantly opinionated but in the funniest, hottest and sweetest way. If you haven't heard already, she is up for a 2006 Weblog Award in the Best Diarist category. Even though only 5 people read this blog, every vote counts.

Vote now.

Vote often.

I'm looking for a good free Mac RSS reader...

any suggestions?

fancy new colours!

Last night I wrote my final art history exam and am finally off school for winter break. Kirk and I are now drinking some decent shiraz from Argentina and we're watching the Pirates of the Caribbean that just came out on DVD. We're halfway through and it's about what I expected. It's some dreamy dirty pirate fun! So much fun that I'm posting this while it's still on. Last night we watched Superman Returns. It too was adequitely entertaining.

this is my latest sculpture homework. no really.

props to Kim Adams for inspiring me to hack a bunch of war toys and hand it in as homework. And I got an A on that last project!

i'm in last-3-weeks-of-first-semester hell. this story made me laugh so hard i peed a little.

I Was Placed On This Earth To Put Off Doing Something Extraordinary

Ever since I was born three weeks overdue, it was clear that there was something different about me. However, it wasn't until I postponed going...

shitty, shit, shit.

I feel like a big ole bag of poop today. I should be doing homework, but instead I'm lying on the couch, reading blogs and surfing the 5 tv channels we get. I have a presentation and essay due tomorrow night, but can't concentrate. Seriously, I just had to check the spelling of 'concentrate'. Even though it's right, it just looks weird to me.

It's probably just the Nyquil.

you are what you eat

This is my third assignment for my Form and Structure course, and it's due tonight. The assignment was called 'The Body'. The guidelines were:

1. The structure of your work can either be a fragment of the body OR a relationship/association created between 2 or more body parts.
2. Your completed broject will focus on, and be expressive of, a theme/idea/meaning
3. Your sculpture can be abstract/representational/self-contained/assemblage/installation/personal/political
4. Materials suggested: mould-making medium, plaster, plaster bandage, air-drying clay, sculpy, wax, wood, fabric, organic materials, etc.

SO, the idea I wanted to explore (as this post title suggests) was 'you are what you eat' in relation to how little we think about all the invisible stuff (fertilizers, pesticides, hormones) we put into our bodies when we consume seemingly innocuous foods, like fruits and vegetables. This is exemplified in the fingers that are bitten off along with the apple, as if the "biter" didn't notice. This also touches on the theme of the psychological impact of the mindless consumerism western culture, which is on my mind a lot lately with Christmas coming up, and me not having much money to spend. In fact, Kirk and I are considering making it a Buy Nothing Christmas.

Anyway, I really wish I had taken pictures of the whole process for ya'll. Instead I'll just tell you how I did it. I used alginate to make a 'negative' mold of my friend Melissa's hand, holding an apple, sans bite. Then I made a 2-part plaster bandage shell to hold it all together while it set. The shell also allows for you to pour your material to make your 'positive'. We then melted down some oil-based clay and poured it into the alginate/plaster bandage mould and poured it in. Once it was set, we pulled off the mould and had a great clay positive of my sculpture.

Then Melissa took a few bites out of the clay (yuk) and I used some hand tools to clean it all up. Then we repeated the alginate/plaster bandage process to make a new negative to pour the hydrocal (white gyspum cement) into. When the hydrocal started to set, we inserted a 3/4" wood dowel into the base, for mounting, and let it dry overnight. During the curing process, the dowel expanded with the moisture and heat and unfortunately cracked the base below the wrist. So I had to mix up some more hydrocal and work it into the cracks. Next time I'll remember to use a metal rod.

Once it was all dry, I sanded it and used spray primer to get it as white as I could. Kirk helped me make a plywood base (phew!) and I primed that as well. Last night I put it all together and this morning I epoxied in a real apple stem that I also had primed, and VOILA! Done, aaaaand done.

Ok. I'm off to school to present it to my class, where I will endure all manner of critique. Wish me luck!

worst wallpaper ever.

This is me (and my dad's hand) in 1975. I'm guessing on the year, but this shot was taken before we moved into our first house when I was just over a year old, so it's a pretty good guess.

yes. this IS me.

my festering nipple is festering no more!

No, I don't have a fresh photo of the scar, but it is fully healed. Trust me. Not that you should trust anything a blogger-who-never-blogs says.

I had this whole plan to post about my whole going back to school experience. But it appears that the black hole of first-year homework has totally shot that plan to shreads.

So, basically, I'm a total basket case. This semester I'm taking 4 courses:

Introduction to Visual Culture: History and Ideas (art history)
Drawing
Time-Based Media (video, performance art, electronics and web stuff)
Form and Structure (sculpture)

My instructors are all accomplished, knowledgable artists and scholars in their own right and aren't uptight or stuffy. They just seem excited to see how we interpret the assignments. I've received some marks back already, so I'm feeling good about the work I'm doing. Mostly. It's definitely weird working among recent high school graduates. Most of them think I'm only about 3 or 4 years older than they are and freak out when I tell them I'm married.

I've also started working in the school's Writing and Learning Centre as their Friday reception. The pay is not the greatest, but it's on campus, and its enough to cover all my incidental school expenses, so its worth it.

Anyway, here's a photo of my most recently completed painting. Yes, I'm still painting whenever I can steal a few free hours from homework time. This is from a photo of Oscar when he was about 10 weeks old.



Also, yesterday was my first wedding anniversary! Since we're a little short in the moolah department, we just stayed home, ate veggie chili, drank some shiraz and watched Slither. Which was fantastically gross! And can I just say that DAMN, that Nathan Filion is one dreamy smartass. Ahem. We decided instead of buying each other a gift, we'd save up for a few weeks and get a 250 gig hard drive installed into the portable hard drive case we've got kicking around. That way we can store our media in one central location WOOHOO! Anniversary-tastic!

OUCH! I burned myself!!!!

That's the last time I make tea topless. Fucking kettle.

tastes like homo!

Today is training day for my new job. I'm looking forward to making a little dough, but I'm starting to freak out a little about all the homework I haven't been working on over the last few days. Though, yesterday was the WORST DAY I've had since school started.

Monster menstrual cramps + lunch of potato salad with pork tenderloin and coffee = Linda Blair-type explosive barfing.



I haven't thrown up like that because of cramps since before I went on the pill at 19. I went off it a year and a half ago at 31, and mostly don't regret it.

Anyway, here is a shot of a new oil painting I'm working on, because I'm insane and don't seem to get that I have more than enough to do already with school. It's from a photo I took of Oscar when he was about 10 weeks old. This was the first time he had been to my parents' house and he had never seen such an expanse of grass. He sat there for about 10 minutes just looking out.

sigh.

hey! are you still there?

I've been meaning to post for ages, but I'm still adjusting to the whole "get up and go" school thing (a.k.a. get off yer lazy ass and do some work, beeyatch). This term, I'm taking drawing, art history, intro to film and video and intro to sculpture.



There's plenty of homework, which I'm not really used to, so my brain is constantly chugging away. That means I'm sleeping fairly erratically. Only to grind my teeth to nubs when I actually do sleep. Since I've been off work since July, I've also been worrying (grinding) about money. So, last Friday, I got myself a part-time job on campus.



OK. Sleepy time now. Post later. Kisses!

i'm in first week of school hell. thank goodness for ze frank.

the show with zefrank

This Blog Sucks...

...dirty gym socks?
...funky goat balls?
...slimy dog toys?

Meh. blaaaaahg.

Maybe I should actually start writing, or posting or something?

Or maybe I should just give it up? Hm...

In the meantime, here is a photo of our new nephew. Kirk's sister gave birth on August 23. She named him Kirk. Seriously.

Isn't he just precious? Did I just use the word precious? uuuugh...

so i'm leaving again

Going up to the cottage once again for a whole week. I'm sequestering myself there to finish about 10 - 15 drawings for this art show thing I'm working on for September.

It's also Kirk's birthday on Monday, so there will be cake and r/c toys galore to keep him happy next week while I'm working away.

I've got 2 new paintings almost done. I plan to do at least 1 or 2 more, so when I get back I will post some photos for your viewing pleasure. Oh yeah, and I start school in 3 weeks. YOWZA.

Anyway, I hope you all have a good week and thank you to Squid, Wendy, Dave, IronicSimplicity and ThaMonkey for your encouragement and well wishes. I really appreciate you guys.

DJ Cyber-Rap - Stylin' '06 (Profile of a Mac)

DJ Cyber-Rap - Stylin' '06 (Profile of a Mac)

OH. MY. GAWD.

it's SO obvious how much they love jesus

Homometer

I love Ed Helms.

zefrank is a smart sonamabitch

"Generalized statements, like this, which instill nebulous fear without specific information are exactly in line with the goals in terrorism"

the show with zefrank

i'm baaaaaack!

4 x (8x10)
acrylic on canvas

its so hot my modem is melting...

It's 32 degrees in my condo and 47 outside with the humidex. How hot is that?

Hot enough that Oscar won't walk more than 5 blocks before dragging me back home.

Hot enough that my modem is acting up and works for only a few hours a day.

Hot enough that I don't want to leave my bedroom, which is the only room with air conditioning.

Hot enough that I have a headache that won't go away.

Hot enough that I am the grumpiest bitch this side of Toronto.

Hot enough that I haven't eaten anything other than bread, cherry tomatoes and water all day.

Hot enough that I'll be at the cottage for the next week and a half.

Party Island here I come!!!

new work

18x36
acrylic on canvas
completed last week.


4(8x10)
acrylic on canvas
in progress

The Grande Mothers

The Grande Mothers Re:Invented played at Hugh's Room last night. One of the best live shows I've seen in a long time. Living legends bringing us the music of Frank Zappa; truly one of the most prolific musical geniuses of the 20th century.

These are the best shots out of the 15 that I got in before my camera battery died.

it's been raining cats and dogs out here

Oscar is exhausted from all the hiding and whining he suffered during the thunder and lightning storm that's been hammering the city all day. It was so bad he refused to poop at all this morning and dragged me back home as soon as he got about half a block away.

"Where is that coming from? It's like it's coming from...EVERYWHERE.

HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

Quick, wench, hide!"

For the next few hours he just glared at me occasionally as if dissapointed that I hadn't obeyed his command.

"The noise monster is sure as hell never going to catch me.

You get caught, you're on your own."

9 good things

1. Found USB cables for digital cameras. It makes it easier to get the pictures off of them and stuff.


2. My husband. For many reasons, but namely for finding said cable.


3. My cottage. Everyone living in urban middle-class on up comfort should have to poop in an outhouse for at least a whole week once a year. I swear. It's character building.


4. Good friends. I had the best week ever with Melissa, drinking, canoeing, eating, smoking, sleeping. Oh, and lots and lots of stick throwing.


5. The Party Island. Need I say more?


6. Bicycles out of storage. TTC fare is now $2.75 and that is fucking bullshit. Also, I've been away from city driving for a while and think that road rage is NOT good for me.

7. Newly painted bedrooms. Now I just need to move all my shit out of the closet, paint the closet doors and inside trim, lay down some quarter round, moving it all back into the closet. And THEN, I can move my bed back in, and all my other tchatchka. HUZZAH!

8. Cursewords. The words bullshit, cunt, asshole, fucking and pricks got me through the most evil rush hour drive down Dufferin from Lawrence Ave down to King Street today. Drivers in Toronto don't know the first goddamned thing about common courtesy. I don't give a shit if someone needs to get into my lane. Signal assholes! Let me know what you're planning to do, pricks, so I don't rear end your bullshit, you fucking cunts!

ahem.

9. Free food. Thanks Mum! Also, thank you for storing my bike.

bye bye Toronto

Tomorrow I am heading up to the cottage for the weekend. I'll be home for a couple of days and then up there again until July 4. No access to email or internet. It's going to be awesome.

i totally forgot about this blog. and i LOVE it.

favourite quotes from www.overheardinnewyork.com...

Girl #1: ...maybe a tattoo. We should get tattoos.
Girl #2: I find those people, them, to be low class.
Girl #1: But we are low class.
Girl #2: Touche.

Old veteran: Have a Happy Father's Day!
Dad: Happy Father's Day to you, too.
Old veteran: Me? Oh no, not me. Well, maybe in Saigon.

Girl #1: How much does he want?
Girl #2: Ten dollars.
Girl #1 to gypsy cab: Fuck you! I'd rather drag my friend home on her face than pay you ten dollars!

Girl: Taco Bell is fifty cents, but I don't want to go to Taco Bell for a date.
Guy: Have you noticed that if you say "Taco Bell" enough, it starts to sound funny?
Girl: Taco Bell.
Guy: Taco Bell. It sounds like a battle of the Civil War.
Girl: The Battle of Taco Bell.

White guy: Is it true that Mexicans carry knives?
Mexican girl: Shut up before I bust into a stereotype on your ass.

Man: Hey! It's so great to run into you! I haven't heard from you in so long!
Woman: Yeah, that's because you didn't call me after we slept together.

And in honour of Ye Olde Pride Weeke festivities:

Gay #1: How is being gay going for you?
Gay #2: I don't really jibe with the culture.
Gay #1: Like what?
Gay #2: The music.

and

Queerspotter: He's so far inside the closet, he's in Narnia.

Celebrating birthdays can be life-threatening

"Especially if it's a major one: Take a baby aspirin, have a couple of glasses of wine and throw in some good sex," he said. "That should reduce your risk and if it doesn't, at least you'll die happy."

that is, unless you're turning 15.

this is where i'll be going to school in september

I don't want to go insane!

A VICTORIAN VIEW ON MENSTRUATION

About the monthly menstruation is this warning: "Allow me here to give a word of caution about taking cold at this period. It is very dangerous. I knew a young girl, who had not been instructed by her mother upon this subject, to be so afraid of being found with this show upon her apparel which she did not know the meaning of, that she went to a brook and washed herself and clothes -- took cold, and immediately went insane."

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaack. ack. flickr's down.

10 things I've learned in the last 2 weeks

1. There are not enough hours in the day to browse flickr.

2. House painting is hard work - all that bending and reaching. I'd rather be painting canvasi than my bedroom.

3. I HATE having my home in total disorder. My bed is in my living room and my clothes are EVERYWHERE.

4. Beds are meant to be in bedrooms, not in living rooms where cats and dogs will sleep on them all day and get hairs on pillows and in between sheets.


5. Even though I don't have to get up by 7:00am anymore I still seem to wake up around 7:30am. Today I fell back asleep until 11:30am but that's neither here nor there.

6. Am a big baby. It's a beautiful day out and I'm inside posting this to my blog because I left my sunglesses at Steve's last night. Also, because the sun is really bright out and it burns my eyes.

7. I don't need TV. Kirk and I cancelled BellExpressVu so that I can concentrate on all those projects I have listed in my to-do journal.

8. I eat less when I'm unemployed. When I'm home, I just seem to graze a little here and there, but when I was working I scarfed.

9. Working out means ab pain. That combined with mentruation really puts a damper on things.

10. I miss TV. I have cramps right now and am so hopped up on Motrin that I want to veg out on the sofa - I mean bed. Since it is still in the living room. Maybe I'll go rent a movie.