A friend called me last night to tell me that her boyfriend got a "little agressive" with her...and by that I mean "REALLY agressive". He shoved her and grabbed her by the throat. She called 911 and had him arrested. HE spent the night in jail and was going to be released this morning. Yes, friends, this is a real mess. Does she stay with him and get help to sort it out or does she kick him out on his sorry ass and move on?

I'm resisting telling her what I think she should do. I mean, it just happened yesterday and she's really freaked out - not exactly a good time to be making big life decisions (they live together, so it's not that easy a choice). She is a friend (I've known her since we were 14), and yes I want to keep her safe and make things better for her, but I don't have to live every day with the decision that gets made. I told her I am always here to listen and support her, whatever her decision (which was REALLY HARD TO DO) when a part of me (most of me, really) wants to go over there are break his knee caps with a baseball bat.

The problem is though that (I never thought I'd say this) I kind of feel bad for the guy. Let me explain. He is a good person who cleaned up his act like no one ever thought he could all on his own, but the pressure of the real life and responsibilty just became too much for him and he snapped. It's so sad to see someone come so far only to fall. hard. I'm not excusing his actions, but I do know that good people often make BAD choices and even HUGER mistakes.


She's afraid to tell her family and other friends because they'll all just try to step in and fix things the way they think they should be fixed (yeah, like beating him with an inch of his life with a shovel) when what she needs is compassion and emotional support. The only thing I could do was suggest she talk to someone to help her - that I believed she was strong enough, and smart enough to figure it out for herself but that counselling can show you what you can't see when you're in the middle of it all. I want her to be empowered to make the right choices for herself, even though they wouldn't be what I would do. I gave her my therapist's number. I hope she'll call.


I want to cry.

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