A few words of advice to all you cottaging virgins out there:

1. When you go to your cottage, don't go over and visit your neighbours, have too many beers and offer to help lob heavy rocks, while ankle deep in lake water and standing on slippery rocks, to fill out your cottage's shoreline that's slowly being eroded away by the wake of far too many jetskis and power boats, and slide on your knees down to the edge of the rock shelf that ends in a 50 ft. drop to the lake bottom.

2. Don't have a few more beers, offer to "help" your mate, who's replacing the locking doorknob, by closing the door before both knobs and internal mechanism are securely in place, especially when you were told you not to, then say "oops!" when the doorknob comes right off, and promptly almost pee yourself laughing while you offer to "help" get out, then actually wrench the mechanism right out of the door with a screwdriver when your love isn't looking and say "oops! I think I broke it".

3. Do pass out right after eating the haphazard meal you slammed together while in a drunken stupor and force your mate to head on over and explain to the nice new neighbours why you can't come over and share that wild blueberry pie you had bought especially for the occasion and had gone on and on and on about over beers earlier in the afternoon.

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